‘Should’ Is a Slippery Little Liar

Shaye Thyer
Sep 19
3 min read

Why Every Woman Needs to Stop Obeying the Shoulds and Start Setting Her Own Rules

I gave in to the “shoulds.” I should be at home with my girls. I should push through for the clients I care so deeply about. I should be making the most of this Melbourne trip—strategic partnerships, high-impact meetings, all the things.

Instead? I was in a hotel room, in bed, wrapped in blankets and cold-and-flu meds, with a half-eaten bag of lozenges to keep me company.

This week was going to be huge: a three-day workshop designed to spark big change, a client session to supercharge a business’s commercial engine, another to map a sale in progress, and an in-person meetup I’d been craving. All derailed by a cough that simply wouldn’t quit.

I called my husband, teary and stuck.

“Should I just come home? Surely that’s what I should do?”

He replied, without missing a beat: “If you’re not dying, stay where you are. Watch Netflix. Take the medicine. Rest. If you come home, you’ll drown in all the shoulds.”

He was right.

Because "should" is a slippery little liar.

The tyranny of “should” (and yes, even “mankeeping”)

The world has armed women with an avalanche of shoulds:

You should always prioritise the kids.
You should deliver perfect client work, even when you're physically done.
You should juggle travel, career, wellness, and presentation—as if burnout is part of the brand.

Add “mankeeping” to the mix—because, heaven forbid, someone doesn't send her husband’s mother a birthday card—and the invisible load explodes.

The boomer-generated "shoulds" narrative

Our parents grew up with a different equation: work hard + achieve = security. That equation largely worked for them (especially Boomer men). But for women? Less so. And for millennials? Please. Housing is sky‑high, wages are stagnant, and the promise of reward for labour has evaporated.

Fewer Millennials own homes today:

Only 55% of people aged 25–39 were homeowners in 2021, compared with 66% of Boomers at the same age Daily Telegraph.
Millennials are now 14× worse off in terms of house price-to-income compared to Boomers in their day Daily Telegraph.

So when boomer parents say, “Why can’t you just work harder?” remember: they played a different game on a differently built field.

The invisible parents’ guilt-trip checklist

It starts early: you bring your newborn home (hello, hormones), and the shoulds descend:

You should let relatives over “for bonding.”
You should bounce back physically, maintain a spotless home, and have candlelit zen moments.
You should be fine leaving your baby in childcare because you “should” want to return to work.

You’re told to be Supermum and Superwoman—and if you once slip? The world quietly archives it under “failure.”

The cost of obeying every should

Obeying every “should” costs you your health, energy, and clarity—and eventually, your freedom. Women bear almost double the unpaid care load each day—64% of unpaid care work versus 36% by men Australian Institute of Family Studies. Over 74% of women feel stressed balancing work and family, compared to 57% of men Australian Institute of Family Studies.

Prioritising rest isn’t failure. Saying no isn’t weakness. Financial independence isn’t greed—it’s the foundation for sustainable impact.

Introducing: The FK Should Rule

Here’s your rule: every time a “should” sneaks in, wave your hand and say—“FK should.”

Because rest is not failure.

Boundaries are not selfish.

Saying no to a draining client is not weakness.

Building a season-aligned business? Not optional. Essential.

Financial independence = freedom from shoulds

Money breaks the shackles. As women earn their worth and build independence, they gain the freedom to say yes on their own terms—and no without guilt.

Financial self-sufficiency means choosing to serve rather than being silently beholden to expectations.

Your turn

What “should” are you letting go of this week?

Maybe it’s resting when your body demands it.

Maybe it’s refusing to return to the invisible mental load.

Or realising that building financial independence isn’t greedy—it’s survival.

Drop your “should” in the comments. Or DM me if you’re ready to replace shoulds with choices that truly serve you.

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